ONCE I WAS BLIND, BUT NOW I SEE

I would only believe in God when it suited me. I would call on His Name when in a crisis but when the crisis was over I would soon forget about Him again.

Then shortly before my 22nd birthday I had a very real dream. I dreamt that I had become totally blind. I can still remember the frightening reality and even the horror of that dream and the relief of finally awaking to realise that it was... just a dream. But such was its impact upon me that I prayed a sincere from the heart prayer thanking God for my sight; that I was not blind... that I could see.

I believe that dream was from God, by His grace He was exposing my carnal state before Him; that I was in fact blind spiritually for I did not know Him. Sure I would pray to Him for help from time to time but I still did not know Him.

Then coincidentally or was it? As God's timing is perfect... a colleague at work 30 years my senior began talking to me about God and Jesus Christ. Everyone knew Fred was a Christian as he would never attempt to hide his faith. His whole face would fill with a countenance of joy whenever he mentioned the things of the Lord to me.

I soon began to feel a deep conviction of sin, I knew in my heart that I was a sinner and I sincerely wanted to turn over a new leaf. I bought a Bible and began to read it from Genesis 1:1 but found it laboriously hard reading with “Ye olde King James English”. I began to go to Church on Sunday mornings but I found that I was still seeking. There was an empty void in me, a hunger to be filled, but I did not know for what. 
 

Fred discovered that I was a keen chess player so he invited me around to his place one evening for some games of chess. Under those circumstances I was happy to oblige for he had failed to persuade me to attend a Bible study evening in his home. After we had played a couple of quick games (he lost quickly) he asked if he could pray for me. Then with our heads bowed he suddenly paused in prayer and said, “John, do you accept Jesus Christ as your Lord & Saviour?” I replied, “Yes.” He then continued in prayer and thanked God for His mercy and grace in my life. Then we played another quick game of chess.

Soon after his wife arrived home from attending a Bible study group in someone else's house. He told her that I had accepted the Lord Jesus into my heart that evening. She was overwhelmed with joy and happiness for me and with tears she praised God. I was very surprised at her reaction, was it really that wonderful what I had done? I did feel a peace within and at peace with God my Maker, but I wasn't overcome with emotion.

I didn't want to be "fanatical" like Fred, therefore I had resolved to keep my conversion to myself. But Fred invited me back to his house to introduce me to another man about my “new found faith”. He was a gentle, well-spoken, levelheaded man and he sold Bibles. He sold me a Bible that was a lot easier to read and understand, called, “The New American Standard Bible”. This chap asked me a few questions, then he said, “John, where is Jesus right now?” I was about to say, “He (God) is everywhere.” But right then I had a revelation. It came to me in an instant and I said, “He is in me, Jesus is in me.” “You’re right!” He said.

When I arrived home I got on my knees and thanked God and Jesus for being merciful to me. With tears I confessed and repented of every unholy and ungodly sin I could think of that had weighed upon me and had burdened me with guilt.

That same night I had another very real dream. I dreamt of seeing Jesus on the cross and I wept and wept, for I knew He was hanging there because of my sins. As I was contemplating all of this a raucous mob suddenly came along and asked me to join with them, for they were totally oblivious of seeing Jesus on the cross. I said, “No, I am a Christian.” So they ridiculed me and as with a show of contempt bumped me with their elbows as they went on their way. 
 

I believe that dream was from God also. That He was graciously preparing me for some knocks and trials that were ahead in my life; but that is another story.

I was “born again” on December 4, 1978, at age 22, the night I said, “Yes.” To the invitation, “Do you accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Saviour?”

Soon after my spiritual re-birth I believe God tested my faith with a challenge; "Did I love Him more than chess?" So I gave up my love of competitive and postal correspondence chess in order to study the Bible more diligently. Because I took that step of faith, I believe God gave me a deep love and reverence for His Word. Passages often "come alive" with meaning and relevance... even in today's world. Truly God's Word is timeless and living, infallible and eternal truth. For me it's always a joy and a great privilege to read and study the Word of God.

I only started playing chess again in 2002 when I discovered ICC through a google search.

 “Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if any one hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him, and will dine with him, and he with Me.” (Jesus) Revelation 3:20 NASV

“For judgment I came into this world, that those who do not see may see; and that those who see may become blind.” (Jesus) John 9:39 NASV

May God by His mercy and grace open your eyes also.